I am so sick. I started feeling bad last Sunday a couple of hours after I got home from church. By Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, I knew things had gotten bad and that I had pneumonia. I went in to the clinic on Wednesday morning and fought my way through my appointment, finally getting the doctor to agree to do a chest x-ray. She came back to tell me that my lungs looked terrible and that I needed to go to bed and do nothing else.

It's Global Thunder right now, which is a big yearly exercise during which almost everyone is on twelve-hour shifts every day including weekends. Ben was able to talk to his boss and has been going in for three hours in the morning then coming home for the rest of the day. I was hoping that I would be feeling well enough by today for him to work more, but I really don't feel that I'm getting better at all. Sometimes I just get so frustrated that I can't take care of my family because I get so sick. Ben was able to take a nap this afternoon while Tyler napped and the kids watched movies with me. It took a little bit of the guilt away, but not much.

I created this journal in the hope that I would be more likely to jump on the computer during the day instead of waiting for the kids to go to bed then feeling too tired to do anything but go to bed myself. It has been sitting empty for months because every time I think about it, I want to vent while in a bad mood, and that didn't seem the most appropriate beginning.

We had Stake Conference this weekend, and I felt that there were a lot of messages meant for me. I had an amazing experience learning about the Spirit as it spoke to me. I felt there were so many things I needed to change and improve, but as I had those thoughts, they were accompanied by such a great feeling of love that I knew this was Heavenly Father speaking to me. No feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Just a sincere desire to move myself and my family closer to God.

Elder Porter of the Seventy told us that we need to remove Babylon from our homes. If there were an accounting taken of our home today, how would we do. I immediately thought of changes that could be made in our daily activites to invite the Spirit in more. Less TV for sure.

He also said that, no matter where your child goes to school, homeschool must be a part of their education. He used the example of Abraham Lincoln and his limited formal schooling. After the elementary education he received, he read the classics, which brought him to the level of reading, writing, and speaking that made him a great leader. He also said that our children will learn to read better and earlier if they read the scriptures in our family scripture study, no matter how much help they need. He have just been reading the words and having Sydney repeat them, but we started having her read herself and just do her best. She is excited about reading the scriptures so this is a great time for her to take this step.

There was also a lot of talk about the infinite atonement of the Savior. I believe this theme was so important along with all of the challenges we were given. In trying to improve, what greater motivation can you find than the Savior's comprehensive sacrifice that has already paid for my shortcomings? I can feel Christ's joy that I have chose to draw upon that source to overcome my failings and draw closer to Him.

I really loved the talk about what a woman of God looks like. Do people know what I believe just by watching me? I'm not sure, but I hope that as I try to be a better person, mother, and wife, others around me will see the light of Christ in me.

I have veered off of the path so many times. I am a little overwhelmed by all of the changes I hope to make, but I know that I have time and that as long as I'm moving forward, I am doing well.